Monday, March 16, 2009
just when i thought all the feelings are fading away,
here i am, thinking about siwei.
something's wrong, but i dont know what, there isnt a clue.
i'm worried.
i know i shouldnt be.
but i'm seriously sick worried.
jane and i are making significant improvement.
we're starting out in a similar frame as jaeden and myself.
whereby i dont love her as much, i just need the company.
it scares me.
i'm afraid to let her down.
i thought about jaeden quite abit recently.
happy times with her keep popping out in my head.
i'm guessing, i miss her.
i fall under the category where people always say,
you only learn to treasure when you lose it, but its all too late.
god, i cant believe i actually let that happen to me.
we havent been talking for ages.
i'm afraid it will be forever.
how now?
christie is probably jumping mad at me.
i wouldnt say its my fault, but i understand if she's upset.
i would be.
these women that matters, what have i done to them?
rolemodel at 3:05 AM
Friday, March 06, 2009
its official.
the trip to states is cancelled.
how am i suppose to tell christie that i'm not going anymore?
how am i suppose to dissapoint her again?
xavier and i finally got our car.
its a beat up trashy car, but i love it nevertheless.
so pricey to own a car, no wonder dad refuse to buy one.
had been hanging out with jane for quite a bit.
we're rather close, but whats next?
i dont have a good feeling about us being together,
but it seems rather impossible to just hang out like normal.
i still dont know where S and myself stand.
i got a goodnight message from her everynight.
its sweet. i love it.
but, what am i suppose to do?
i need directions. badly.
rolemodel at 2:31 AM